Street Racing Comedy

nileo6 · Post by **nileo6** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 10:33 pm

Hey guys I just got this idea about making a comedy about street racers who follow all traffic signals and laws. I wrote this last night and I was wondering if anyone had anymore ideas on how to improve my movie or script. (This should only take like 2 min to read.)

FADE IN:KMART SHAMPOO SECTION

HARVEY (ANSWERING HIS CELLPHONE)
Yo yo what up this is Harvey Dizzle.

DEB
Hey Harvey I was just wondering if you were
gonna come street racing with me tonight.

HARVEY
Look I'd really love to Home Slice but I'm
kinda busy right now.

DEB
Are you still looking for a gift to give to
your girlfriend.

HARVEY
Ya... She was lookin so fine today I decided
I would get her something nice. But I just
can't decide between Herbal Essence and
Neutrogena.

DEB
Ya well if your gonna come you better show up
soon. The Invite says they're giving out free
Slurpees to the winner.

HARVEY
Free Slurpees! Where you at homie, where you
at?

DEB
Some place on the wes'side. Let me check real
quick.
(pulls out an invitation that looks like it is for a birthday party)
It says to meet at Stacy's house, and if
there not there anymore then to meet in the
parking lot by the abandoned strip mall.
Oh ya and Harvey.

HARVEY
What?

DEB
I would go with herbal essence... it's a
personal favorite.

CUT TO:

Silver Van rolling up alongside white van. Thuggin' music
blasting.

HARVEY
Where's the crowd man?

DEB
I don't know... I think it was a fake
invitation. Freakin' idiots.

HARVEY
Hey you still wanna race.

DEB
Sure I guess. Just as long as you remember to
use your turn signal when you cut me off.

CUT TO:

High angle shot with both mini-vans lined up side by side.
Engines are revving. A man stands in between the vans and gives
the signal to go.

Silver van cuts Deb off (while using proper traffic laws).

Both vans pull out of the parking lot into an empty street.

Silver van turns onto state street followed by Debbie.

At a red light Debbie looks out and sees his sister working state
street.

He slowly and cautiously pulls up alongside her.

DEB
Sparkle girl? What the heck do you think
you're doing?

SPARKLE GIRL
I tried to call you from school to come pick
me up but your phone wasn't working so I just
started walking home.

DEB
Well that's your problem.

SPARKLE GIRL
Can you take me home now?

DEB
It's Wednesday night. Don't you know
anything. I told you to memorize my schedule.

SPARKLE GIRL
Fine well there was this Old guy that over
there that told me he would give me a ride
home 'cause I'm pretty.

DEB
Get in the car and I'll take you home...
GOSH!

INT. DEB'S HOUSE

White van rolls up.

SPARKLE GIRL
Thanks for the ride. Without you I wouldn't
have ever gotten home.

DEB
I thought you said that guy would give you a
ride home.

SPARKLE GIRL
No I just made that up.

DEB
Get out of the car. You're making me late.

Deb starts to drive off again but His dad runs up to him.

DEB'S FATHER
I forgot to tell you I had a date tonight.
I'm gonna need the car.

DEB
Come on I'm like in the middle of a race
here.

DEB'S FATHER
Well I really need the van but I guess I
could just drop you off at the finish.

INT. PARKING LOT

Mini-Van Drives up and Debbie opens the sliding door and hops out
remembering, of course, to thank his dad for the lift.

Debbie walks with his head down toward Harvey who is leaning
against his van polishing his tin-foil bling.

HARVEY
Dude what took you so long. There wasn't even
enough room on the tape to get the photo
finish.

DEB
I... Ummm

HARVEY
Just hand me some cash for being so late and
I'll take you back to ya crib.

DEB
What? No way.

HARVEY
What you think my bling grows on trees or
somethin'? I said hand over the dough

DEB
Fine!
(hands over napsack with dollar sign
on it)

While Harvey is counting his money you can see Deb hijack his van
and drive off.

FADE TO:

THE END

UFProductions · Post by **UFProductions** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 7:34 am

Hmm, good premise, maybe revise it a bit, I think it could be a bit shorter.

Themovieman44 · Post by **Themovieman44** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 3:28 pm

I found it.....okay......Some of your locations need to be changed if you plan to film this and your dialog needs ALOT of work.

nileo6 · Post by **nileo6** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 12:56 am

Ya thanks for the tips guys. This is one of my first scripts so at least its okay. This is just my first draft so I was already planning on doing more revision. I was mostly writing this as a plot outline by leaving details out.
I can't decide whether I should put more work into this and make a movie out of it...
What do u think?

Bugalicious · Post by **Bugalicious** » Mon Jan 17, 2005 1:17 pm

reminds me of the scene in Ali G indahouse where there street racing and stick on the speed limit. Nice idea for a script!

Sebas · Post by **Sebas** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 6:46 pm

The idea is well but if you want it to look really neat you have to come up with fast-a** big pimped out cars it will make it more hilarious that way

Sebas · Post by **Sebas** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 6:50 pm

Tip: you can cut out the cars from another movie and when you are driving you only film the driver. ou can film it from the front or sit next to the driver
it's all somewhat difficlut to film but i think when you have the right setting and cars you will make a great movie