its only 8 pages so far but i need suggestions!! must mkae script better. tell me what you think.
INT. LIVING ROOM
The lights are dark, there is only a mellow blue glow of the t.v. A man is playing duck hunt on his couch, there are a bag of chips besides him. He is laid-back on his couch. Three birds come out of the bushes on the t.v., He takes sometime and "snipes" all three ducks. He munches some chips.
His phone rings
TOM
Hello?
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
I got a job for you Tom
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM
TOM
How much ?
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
70 million
INT. LIVING ROOM
Tom spits out a drink he was drinking
TOM
What?!
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
70 million, all you have to do is kill 10 people
INT. LIVING ROOM
TOM
Wow, 10... Thats alot
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
Its 70 million dollars, I got many other hit men who would gladly fill in
INT. LIVING ROOM
TOM
Nononono, Ill do it
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
Excellent, meet me in Vaughan Heights at 6 sharp. I wil give you your first target there
INT. LIVING ROOM
TOM
I got one question?
MYSTERYMAN (O.S.)
Yes?
TOM
Who are you
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
Lets just say.... Im a friend
The mysterious man hangs up the phone.
INT. RUSSIAN MEETING HOUSE
There is a smoky haze in the room, the lights are dim. There are 4 men playing cards at a table, three are russian and one is spanish. they all have pitchers of beer.
They are playing some sort of card game.
The spanish man picks up two cards.
MANUEL
Haha!!
The russian boss Vlad looks at him in disgust and takes a swag of his beer mug.
VLAD
You go back to mexico
You see The spanish mans arm, he proceeds to slide a gun out into his hand.
Vlad increases the amount of chips he has onto the table
MANUEL
Im not mexican, bastard
VLAD
What are you gonna do? Shoot me?
Manuel keeps the gun sliding down into his hand.
VLAD
Wheres your sense of humour, were only kidding
MANUEL
Allright
There is a 10 second scene were everyone picks up a card
Manuel picks up a card.. Its an ace! Manuel looks to his side at 1 of the russians cards, hes got 4 aces, he looks at the other russian, hes also got 4 aces,
The camera just shows manuels face
MANUEL
Im going to the bathroom
Manuel starts to leave with the cards
VLAD
Eh ehe eh, put the cards down
Manuel puts the cards down
INT. HALLWAY
Manuel is pacing back and forth fastly...
MANUEL
s*** damnit
He takes out his handgun and opens it, there is only one bullet inside.
MANUEL
Damn
The camera focuses on a wallet, car keys and cellphone which happen to be on a counter.
MANUEL
Hello what do we have here
He pulls out a card, it reads Vlad vinsklakav, the russian mafia boss playing cards downstairs. Inside there is alot of money. Manuel puts the wallet, the car keys and the cellphone into his pocket. The camera focuses on an open window.
I/E. RUSSIAN MEETING HOUSE
Manuel is walking on the roof of the porch.
Inside the three russians are waiting.
VLAD
Look at his cards
BORIS
2 aces a 3 and a 7
While they are saying this you see a white rope hanging out from the window followed by Manuel falling down.
MANUEL
Sheet
Switches to the interior
VLAD
Boris, go check on our little friend manuel
INT. BATHROOM
Boris goes to the window, you see a car backing out from it
BORIS
OH no
INSIDE OF CAR
Manuel turns on the radio, he starts singing along to the music on the radio. You hear a phone ring. Manuel looks at it and answers
MANUEL
Hello?
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
Hello, is this Vlad?
INT. INSIDE OF CAR
Manuel changes his voice to apoor russian accent
MANUEL
Depends, for what?
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
I got a job for you
INT. INSIDE OF CAR
MANUEL
What kind of job?
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
Pays 70 million, you have to kill 10 people
INT. INSIDE OF CAR
MANUEL
70 MILLIOn Dollars!!! Right away sir, no problem.
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
Ill meet you in 2 days time at your house
INT. INSIDE OF CAR
MANUEL
Not at my house
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
MYSTERYMAN
Why?
INT. INSIDE OF CAR
MANUEL
Umm, under construction... Lets meet byyyy the empty parking lot on george street.
MYSTERYMAN
allright 9 oclock 2 days from now on george street.
Mystery man hangs up the phone
VAUGHAN HEIGHTS
Tom is sitting on a bench. A man wearing dark sunglasses passes by and sits beside him.
GOONIE 1
Tom Parks?
TOM
The one and only
GOONIE 1
Let's get to business, heres your first target, his name is simply Father Jack
Goonie 1 passes a photo to Tom, it shows a priest who looks very kind
TOM
You got to be kidding me
GOONIE 1
He's a crooked minister, he deals drugs
Tom raises and eyebrow
TOM
Oooohh
INT. CHURCH / CONFFESIONBOOTH
A man is shown getting into a confession booth.
FATHER JACK
Welcome my son
MAN
Forgive me father for I have sinned
It shows Father Jack sniffing cocaine
FATHER JACK
Wha, yeah sure, your forgiven, NEXT!
MAN
Thank you father
FATHER JACK
Yea whatever, get out of here
EXT. CHURCH
Father jack is running out of church, he pulls off his black robe and he is wearing a business suite with a jesus tie. He puts on sunglasses.
INT. RUSSIAN MEETING HOUSE
Father jack is at the house in front of the russian mafia boss vlad
VLAD
I need you to kill a man
Vlad passes jack a folder.
VLAD
He has my cellphone, wallet and he is driving my car.
GEORGE STREET
Manuel is waiting beside his car at a plaza
Action comedy possibly
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