Money making script

[chrisgreen]

Here's my script that i have written for some guy in austrailia (the one i sold). If any one feels like reading it, then go ahead. Any comments about it will be cool.

EXT. STREET – DUSK
ALEX runs quickly down the street on the way to MARK’S house. Breathing heavily he brings his arm up to check his watch, it reads 6.15.
ALEX
s***, I don’t have long…
INT. MARKS BEDROOM – DUSK
Mark sits on his bed, head in his hands sobbing quietly. The wind outside can be heard gusting strongly through the trees.
He looked up suddenly as something catches his eye in the doorway; it looks like there is a strange man dressed in a black suit, wearing with a bowler hat in his right hand.
MARK
No, this cant be happening… not again.
Not believing what he sees, Mark blinks hard and wipes the tears from his eyes and looks again… but no one is there.
He quickly gets to his feet and walks to the door, swinging his head around the doorframe and taking a look down the landing – nothing is there.
He hears foot steps behind him and quickly turns to face the source of the sound, but there is nothing there.
MARK
Leave me alone!
He walks backward into his room and slumps onto his bed, he glances around the room quickly starting to panic. Then, hurriedly he reaches under his bed and pulls out a shoe box and tips the contents out onto his bed.
An antique Smith and Western revolver falls out of the box onto the bed, followed by three bullets. He picks the gun up, his hand shaking and flicks the chamber out.
Steadying his hand, he slowly slides a bullet into the chamber and turns it around one place and slides another round in, then turns it once more and places the final bullet it.
He flicks the barrel back in and slowly raises the gun to his head, his hand begins to shake once again. Mark gulps heavily and pushes the gun against his temple, his hand shaking almost violently from fear.
EXT. STREET – DUSK
Alex turns a corner and crosses into Mark’s street. He cuts across the neighbours back garden and vaults over the wall, catching his foot on the edge and falls down.
Panting he gets up and peers up at the front door. Stepping forward he bangs loudly on the door.
ALEX
Mark! Mark, its Alex. Open the door man, every thing is going to be cool.
He hears nothing and bangs loudly again.
ALEX
MARK! Open the god damn door!
INT. MARK’S ROOM – DUSK
Mark ignores Alex and pulls the hammer back with a seemingly deafeningly loud click. He gulps once again and wipes the sweat of his brow.
He glances around his room once more and tightly shuts his eyes. Then he begins to squeeze the trigger.
EXT. MARK’S HOUSE – DUSK
Alex takes a step back away from the door briefly when a large bang stops him dead. The wind dies down and all goes quiet.
ALEX
Noo!!
Alex takes another step back and charges through the door, elbow first, cracking the old wooden door at the hinges and around the lock.
He pushes the splintered remains of the door out of the way and runs through the hallway and up the stairs. Tears beginning to roll off his face.
ALEX
(as he’s running)
No, no, no, no, no
Alex reaches Mark’s room and runs in, at the sight of Marks body stops Alex dead in his tracks. He stars at the bed and body and then at the gun, still smouldering.
Alex slowly walks to the bed and looks down at Marks face, it was the only time he’d seen him without a frown on his face.
ALEX
You’re free now…
He looks up and takes a deep breath, then looks back down at Marks body. Alex then falls to his knees and buries his head in his hands and begins to cry.

3 Days earlier…
INT. CAFÉ – DAY
Alex, Mark, LUKE and CLAIR all sit around a table with fries and shakes after a day at school. They are celebrating the start of the summer holidays.
MARK
Luke, you got any plans for the summer then?
Luke takes a slurp of his milkshake, raises an eyebrow and then looks up at Mark.
LUKE
Nah, I have left the whole holiday open to do absolutely nothing.
Mark smirks.
MARK
You lazy bastard.
Alex and Clair laugh quietly and say nothing.
LUKE
Hey, I have worked my a** off this year.
Mark takes a couple of Luke’s fries.
MARK
Well I guess you’ll be sitting on you’re fat a** all holiday then.
Luke scowls at Mark
LUKE
p*** off.
Alex interrupts
ALEX
Hey man, cool it. Luke don’t worry about Mark he’s just being a dick.
Mark just laughs and helps him self to more of Luke’s fries.
LUKE
Get your own fries you tight a** hole.
Alex quickly interrupts again.
ALEX
What you up to then, Clair?
CLAIR
Oh god don’t get me started on that, in a weeks time me and my whole family are driving across the whole of Australia in a 4x4.
Mark Looks around
MARK
That doesn’t sound too bad, I mean you could be stuck in a caravan for 3 weeks with your sister and her boyfriend.
(shivers)
ALEX
Clair what’s wrong with that? You get to travel all over the country and see all the sights.
Clair finishes her shake with a loud slurp.
CLAIR
Apart from the fact that I’ll die of boredom, or if not that, it’ll be cabin fever.
Alex, Mark and Luke just smile and carry on eating.
They sit there for a few minutes without saying any thing, when Mark starts to get bored.
MARK
We gonna just sit here and do nothing? Or shall we go some where else?
Luke looks at his watch
LUKE
Well, I gonna go home, me dinner is gonna be ready soon.
Mark looks around at Luke
MARK
What? You’ve just had a burger and fries, you can’t still be hungry.
LUKE
Well, maybe if some one hadn’t eaten all my fries I might not be!
Alex slides his chair back and gets up.
ALEX
C’mon guys lets get out of here, if we stay you’ll end up trying to kill each other.
Clair smiles picks up her bag and gets up too.
CLAIR
Well, I think I am going to head home as well. I am gotta start packing really
(grumps)
Ergh, this is going to suck, big time.
Alex looks across to Mark.
ALEX
Well, it looks like it’s just us two then.
Mark nods and moves as Luke gets up and walks past.
MARK
Er, yeah. Why not? What are we going to do any way?
Luke walks to the door and waves
LUKE
See ya guys.
ALEX
(to Luke)
Yeah, see ya later mate.
(to Mark)
good point, I dunno…
They carry on talking as Luke walks out followed by Clair who also waves. Mark and Alex wave back.
ALEX
Wanna go to the park?
Mark thinks for a second.
MARK
Nah, the park sucks, we don’t have enough people for football and no beer to get p*** on.
Alex laughs
ALEX
You don’t need beer, you’re wasted already.
Mark gets to his feet.
MARK
Ah, p*** off. I can’t be bothered to do any thing any way. I just going to go home.
Alex tuts
ALEX
What? My god, my friends are all f*** lazy.
Mark walks to the door.
MARK
Chill, we do something tomorrow night I need sleep now and there isn’t any thing to do any way.
ALEX
Fine
They both walk out.
EXT. PARK – DAY
2 Days…
Clair and Alex sit on a bench waiting for Luke and Mark to arrive.
Alex throws his rugby ball up and catches it.
ALEX
Where are they? We have been waiting for 30 minuets now, you don’t think they’ve forgotten have you?
Clair shakes her head and points.
CLAIR
There they are.
Mark and Luke walk down the path, a cup of coffee in Mark’s hand and a hot dog in Luke’s.
ALEX
About time, where have you been?
Luke looks a little hurt.
LUKE
Don’t blame me! I stopped to call for Mark and he was still in bed, lazy sod.
Alex looks over at Mark, he looks really tired, there are large bags underneath his eyes and his hair is messed up.
ALEX
Woah man, you look shattered, you been up all night downloading porn?
Clair and Luke laugh. Mark smiles sickly at Alex and takes a large gulp of his coffee.
MARK
Don’t you f*** start; I have had enough s*** from Luke this morning. For your information I couldn’t sleep, I kept having this weird dream.
Luke takes a seat on the bench and Alex looks puzzled at Mark.
ALEX
What? Heh, that’s not like you man. Well unless you’re on a trip or something.
(he looks at mark)
Which I guess you weren’t. You ok man?
Mark shivers and raises his head to face Alex.
MARK
Yeah I’m ok, I just need more sleep.
CLAIR
What was the dream about?
Mark leans against a bin.
MARK
It was like a normal dream really, I was in the park talking to you guys, but all of a sudden you started to turn into shadows. Every time I closed my eyes the three shadows were there.
Clair thinks for a moment, and everyone watches her.
CLAIR
Hmm, it seems like the shadows show that part of your world needs to be illuminated. And the talking really seems to show that you need to communicate something.
Luke laughs.
LUKE
That’s easy, when you go to sleep turn the light on and keep a phone near you.
No one else shares the joke and carry on talking.
ALEX
That’s odd. Oh well, do you have any sleeping pills or something like that?
Mark nods.
MARK
Yeah, I’ll take a few before I go to bed, and I’ll be fine.
(yawns)
But can we go and get some more coffee first? I need something to wake me up.
Alex gets up
ALEX
Yeah, c’mon lets go.
INT. MARK’S ROOM – NIGHT
Mark lies in bed trying to sleep, but he is dreaming again and thrashes about widely and quietly talks to him self.
MARK
No… no… don’t… no…
He suddenly wakes up and looks around the room quickly, his breathing fast, and sweat covering his forehead. He sees nothing and lays back down, he closes his eyes, ready to go back to see when he hears something.
He opens his eyes and jumps. Three men surround him, all wearing black suits and white gloves. A bowler hat in their right hands and an umbrella in the other.
Mark panics and tries to move, but the three men put on their hats and hold up their right hands to make him stop. Mark stops dead.
MAN 1
Mark, do not move.
They lower their hands.
MAN 1
Do you know who we are?
Mark quickly shakes his head, trying to move more than he needs to
MAN 1
No? Good.
They smile slightly, but only for a moment, then it disappears.
MAN 2
We must ask something of you Mark; no… we must demand something of you Mark.
MAN 3 turns away and moves into darkness, when he re-emerges he turns to face Mark with his face covered by his hat. He removes the hat and the face which is there is that of Clair.
Mark opens his eyes fully, trying to shake of tiredness and get a closer look.
MARK
Clair?
They raise their hands again.
MAN 1
You must be silent.
Mark closes his mouth tightly and shrinks back into his covers a little.
Man 3 moves to a space beside Marks bed and the other 2 men turn to face him. They raise there arms and make a pistol gesture with their hands, then they both “shootâ€

[I3lade203]

Will read when I have time.

[Mushiman]

How much did you sell it for?

[I3lade203]

It's an experssion

[chrisgreen]

$23.50(aus), its good, read it. lol

[Mushiman]

It's an experssion

What is?

[chrisgreen]

Can somone just read the script? please.

[I3lade203]

It's an experssion

What is?

The expression " Money making " means it's really good. I'll read it now, and post in a bit.

Read most of it but I have to go, it seemed pretty strange, i'm not sure I can say good or bad becuase I have no clue whats going on execept some guy was at his door and then vanished..

[chrisgreen]

Yeh, u do kinda need to read it all before u judge it, other wise it wont make any sence at all.

[I3lade203]

Well, I will have to find more time.

[UFProductions]

Well, read it right through (I think I'm the first one here), and it was great! Well introduced, the dialouge was well thought out throughout the whole thing, and had an excellent premise. The ending seemed a little hurried, but overall I think this has the possibility of being turned into an absolutely fantastic movie. What kind of communication did you have with the director beforehand? What were his requirements?

[chrisgreen]

Well, the ending was a little rushed, this had to be done due to film length restrictions. I live in the UK and Alex (the director) lived in austrailia. He saw the previous script i had written on the matthawkins forums and emailed me to see if i would write a script for him. He said that he wanted a weird dialouge based movie, as he was fed up of amature action films which aren't very good. Then the idea of a donny darko style film came into the picture and he threw forward a few possible scene ideas and i worked them into the script. I had to keep the prop and set requirements in mind as he can't reproduce moon scapes or ruined buildings and i had to make sure it wouldn't be much over 20mins long. As i was writing i kept in contact with him and made sure and gave him regular updates on it, so i didn't go off the wrong way and make somthing which would have been shite

[I3lade203]

Ok read it a bit more, just brush up a bit of the characters, and it should make a good film.. Will watch it.

[chrisgreen]

Ok read it a bit more, just brush up a bit of the characters...

How much have u read? And define "brush up" please

[Themovieman44]

Do you want an HONEST opinion....I will give you a full crit, and I can't guarentee it will be pretty, so if your feelings are hurt easy say no.

[I3lade203]

Brush up.. rework..

[chrisgreen]

Give full crit, it was good enough for the person handing me the money, so if its not up to your standards than i hardly doubt it'll hurt my feelings.

[I3lade203]

You seriously made money on that? No offense, but I think only an idiot would buy it..

[Epsilon]

I3lade203, I'm not even sure who you are trying to insult with that comment. I think it's great that he got something for it and whoever paid for it got what they wanted. That's called a sale.

[I3lade203]

I'm agreeing with movie man in saying only an idiot would buy it.

[Themovieman44]

I never said that only an idiot would buy it. Where did I say that? I found it to be mediocre, not as bad as you seem to make it.

[I3lade203]

You said that nobody would buy it, aka idiot. I liked it, I just don't think anybody would buy it.

[Epsilon]

*think* that's the key word. You don't opinionate yourself very well. Stop typing so fast, and actually think about what you are posting!

[chrisgreen]

wow I3lade203, u seem to have somthing lage stuffed up your a** or somthing, what exact'y do you think is so bad about it? I have a lot of people from various different places (in me town and on the internet) who think the script is really good, and the person i sold it to isn't an idiot. Movie man never said he was an idiot and he never said that no body would buy it. Its a good job i only posted it here to get some fedback, the comments you make won't change the fact that i actually sold a script, which is a lot more than other people in here.

[Epsilon]

One thing's for sure, I3lade203 wouldn't be one who buys it!