New hitman movie, err... I guess

I3lade203 · Post by **I3lade203** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 11:42 pm

Your back to this one now then?

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 2:05 am

I was always on this one, I just needed an idea.

I3lade203 · Post by **I3lade203** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 2:18 am

Then what's with the crappy nation script thing..

foucus on one idea, don't jump , if you want to be serious you've got to foucus.

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 2:28 am

I'm 14, I don't have to focus right now, anyway I focus on what ever movie I'm writing on. Besides no one liked the nation script so I trashed it.

I3lade203 · Post by **I3lade203** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 2:29 am

Yeah but you shouldn't switch from hit man nation hitman.

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 12:59 am

dosen't matter anyway, here's the finished script.

(MOVIE SCRIPT)

1.5 seconds with a 9 Millie

By
Tommy J. P.

FADE IN:

EXT - BUILDING - DAY

Millie Jackson, an assassin, is leaning against a brick wall, hands in pockets. She sees a man walks by on the opposite sidewalk and walks forward.

The man walks past an opening to an alley-way, a hand reaches out and grabs the collar of the manÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s shirt and pulls him in. There are two silenced gunshots and the sound of a body hitting the ground as two bullet-casing fall to the sidewalk, a hand picks them both up.

The person is Millie, she stands up and looks around, then walks off. The body of the man is on the ground in the back-ground.

Millie continues on down the sidewalk.

CUT TO:

INT - DARKNESS

The beginning credits roll, then the title.

FADE IN:

EXT - HOUSE - DAY

Millie walks down the road, she walks up a driveway and steps inside a house.

INT - HOUSE - DAY

Millie sits down in a recliner. She holds her head down, then brings it back up and rubs her face, she sighs. She then pulls a silenced pistol out of her coat and sets it on the lamp/desk beside her.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT - HOUSE - DAY

Millie is asleep on her couch.

Someone at the front door rings the door bell. Millie hears it and goes to the door, she opens the door, a man in a suit is there holding a suitcase. The man hands Millie the suitcase and walks off, Millie shuts the door. She sits down and opens the case, there is a video tape, a tape player, and a folder inside it. She opens the folder and sees a photo of the target, she begins reading the document in the folder.

MILLIE V.O.
Stephen Smith, lives at 203 Oak Street. Father of one, wife died in 1999.

She looks at the video and picks it up, she puts it in a VCR. The tape plays, showing the man typing on a computer.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT - HOUSE - DAY

Millie is sitting in the recliner, staring into space, sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s holding the manÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s photo. She rubs her face and sighs once more. She slowly holding it up and looks at it, then looks over at the suitcase thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s on the couch. Millie sets her hand over her face.

MILLIE
I have to do this.

Her slightly sad eyebrows, turn to be intense. She throws the photo onto the lamp/desk and walks over to the couch. She pulls another suitcase out from under a cushion in the couch and sets it down. Millie quickly opens it and pulls out a silenced pistol, she loads it, then cocks the weapon.

CUT TO:

EXT - SMITHÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S HOUSE - DAY

Smith steps out of his house and turns around, he sets a suitcase down and locks the door. Just as Smith turns around the barrel of a silenced pistol is placed to his head. The person doing this is Millie.

MILLIE
DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t look at me! Turn around!

Smith turns around.

SMITH
Please, donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t kill me, I have a son.

Tension and anger showers all through-out her face as she tries to pull the trigger. MillieÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s grip on the pistol tightens, she comes close to squeezing the trigger.

MILLIE V.O. (with echo)
Father of one, wife died in 1999.

The tension on her face lightens as her grip on the trigger loosens. She pulls the gun away from the back of SmithÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s head as walks off.

Smith has his eyes shut tight, he opens them and looks around, then turns around and sees no one.

CUT TO:

EXT - AGENCY - DAY

Millie walks up the sidewalk sliding the pistol into her overcoat, she walks through the doors of the agency.

INT - AGENCY - DAY

A hand slams a folder on the desk. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Millie.

The agency director is behind the desk.

MILLIE
I canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t do this.

A. DIRECTOR
What? Why not?

MILLIE
He has a kid.

A. DIRECTOR
So?

MILLIE
What do you think that kidÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going to do when he sees his dad dead?

A. DIRECTOR
HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll probably cry about for a while.

MILLIE
From the looks of it, his dad is his best friend, I mean think about it, his mother dies, what would he do, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d go to his father for comforting.

A. DIRECTOR
Your point is?

MILLIE
IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not going to put a little kid through that.

A. DIRECTOR
Well, you are going to put him through that. Your contract says you have to.

Millie looks over and sees a file-cabinet reading Ã¢â‚¬Å“contracts.Ã¢â‚¬

UFProductions · Post by **UFProductions** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 4:56 am

Well, the general idea was OK for a short script, but the dialouge seemed strained, the action was bland, and poor sentance structure and spelling errors were to prevalent. Yes, I'm bitchy that way. This seems like a script that needs to be refined and reviewed a few more times.

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 12:51 pm

How is the action bland? Ok, you think up something better and I'll do it, (if i can).

nileo6 · Post by **nileo6** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 9:23 pm

that sounds pretty tight so far. i just have one thing you should do differently. The idea of having someone just walking down the sidewalk has come up twice in your script. for the footage on the vcr tape i would suggest having footage of the man doing something else. use footage that would be hard for someone to get of someone else. it makes it more mysterious and gives the impression that who she is working for knows what their doing. anyone can just record someone walking on the sidewalk. use footage that might even reveal a piece of information of why millie has been hired to kill him. hope that made sense. oh ya and are you still interested in someone to compose music for you. making music and filming movies is my life. so let me know

UFProductions · Post by **UFProductions** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 9:28 pm

Well, it's writted kind of blandly, if you do good works filming it it'll be good. It was just kind of slow to read, it won't necessarily be slow to watch. If you know what you want to film, thats good enough.

cantoloupe · Post by **cantoloupe** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 11:38 pm

she hot?

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Thu Sep 16, 2004 4:21 am

sure is man, sure is.

UFProductions · Post by **UFProductions** » Thu Sep 16, 2004 4:25 am

You just guarenteed yourself an audience!

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 10:40 pm

lol. but anyway I revised the script and rewrote some of it, so check it out on the earlier post of the script.

santi · Post by **santi** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 12:29 am

It's a weird kind of script. You wrote INT/EXT stuf but forgot about angles.

Story... hmm... there's no tension. Try to exploit fact that the hitman is a young girl. Show her in situation typical for young people (ex. shopping with friends in the mall or on the walk also with bunch of friends) then switch into an assasination (fast edited sequence: she's sayin she needs to wc, then run through the back door, pick up suitcase hidden behind trash container, shoot somebody) . Back to friends... calm.... and epilog: guy in the suit, tape, another contract. She could cleaning her weapon in typical teenager room (posters of some boysbang etc), f***... I like it... I gonna shoot it myself so... forget it, pal

2nd_Recon · Post by **2nd_Recon** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 12:45 am

looks like someone just stole your movie, Merc! Better get this woman to kill him.

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 12:48 am

haha, funny, but I liked the idea of the "be with friends say i gotta go, kill, go back" thing, sounds cool. But, i'm trying to have a 14yr. old play the part of a 24yr.old. I don't have many old looking people at my high-school.

Kentertainment · Post by **Kentertainment** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 1:51 am

Eh! what are ya gonna do. Just tell people to imagine a 24 year old

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 2:32 am

Hey, well, Tallman does the same thing I do and it isn't hurtin' anyone.

santi · Post by **santi** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 11:14 am

What was that series where kid looking policemen are pretending that they are teengers... "squad-something" I can't remember.
Show it's her undercover - she's older but looks like teen. (My girlfriend is 23 but looks like 16 - she can't buy a beer without showing papers) When somebody was shot by a sniper no one cares for some sweet looking teen. Everyone is looking for tall guy in black and scar on the face... She can be an orphan trained from a kid to be a hitman by top secret agency or crime syndicate (flashbacks) and the adopted by unaware pair. That's the point of every script - conflict.
Damn it... I'm gonna shot this film.

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:57 pm

Santi, are you seriously shoot the film? Please DO, because I don't think I'm going to be able to.

santi · Post by **santi** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 11:21 pm

You know what really funny is? I'm completly blocked as a screenwriter. I hadn't no idea for a few months. Find a good plot is almost impossible to me. I need a spark, enlightment or a basic idea from somebody. Then I can write and write... If I shoot this film I'll give a special credits.

I like this idea and really want to shoot it. But don't give up. Make your own version. Practice is the only way to do something good.
I was thinking a lot about this film. I had almost every shot planned. I need to work on some details of her private life (how to show it without needless talking etc)
I got a locations (local mall with large courtyyard near the cross). I need actors and sniper rifle that can be disassembled. I'll try to submit this to my lecturer as a annual project. But it's too cold and rainy now... I had wait till spring. Now I'm very busy with this year project (I hate it). I'll write down a synopsis, draw a story board etc. I hope there won't be problems with police. I could use some police cars and uniforms.

mercenary123 · Post by **mercenary123** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 3:21 am

Well, I'm saying I probably won't make the movie, because I don't think that my actress will be able to make it. (MAN! She is SO beautiful!!! but 1-10 at girls, I'm a -10)

Man, thought you were in America, till I look over and "HOLY s***!", lol.

santi · Post by **santi** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 10:25 am

Sorry pal... I've never been in US. But don't worry - we have beautiful chicks here. The most fantastic thing in being filmmaker is that girls love filmakers. No matter how old you are - if you're seriuos, got a professional looking script and (the most important) you believe in yourself - there's a small chance she would refuse. Trust me. Read about school days of S.Spielberg - even his enemies wanted play in his films. The wolrd belongs to the brave ones.

And what do you mean by "holy s***"?

Themovieman44 · Post by **Themovieman44** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 11:18 am

Blade would you just shut up, you are really annoying.....at least he is doing work unlike you....and I know you are going to try and say you are working on something, but you know what....I really don't think you are. You probably don't have half of the stuff you claim you do...you can't even spell come on....cut the kid a break and do some work yourself.

Mercenary....good script could use some work. I will point the errors out later.

Santi: Holy s*** is a term used when something amazing happens